


Help him.

by Jonah_Smith_907



Series: Help Him [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Guilt?, Heavy Angst, Insomniac Tony Stark, Maybe - Freeform, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Tony is just very hurt okay, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, after Peter called him, also Tony isn't eating right but I don't think it's a disorder yet, also fluff tho, but - Freeform, but Steve is there to help, i guess, more of a 'not taking care of himself' kinda situation, not in the first chapter though, there's a lot of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-07-18 05:57:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16112273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jonah_Smith_907/pseuds/Jonah_Smith_907
Summary: Tony Stark is in a bad place, mentally. He doesn't sleep, hasn't eaten in days and Peter gets worried. So the teen calls Steve Rogers, who then comes to the Tower to help Tony.It's basically my take on what happened after Civil War and how Tony is coping with it. Or not. A lot of angst, might be triggering to some due to talking about not eating right because of guilt.





	1. Chapter 1

Bucky was out getting groceries when Steve got the call. He hadn't expected it, not now, possibly never. So when suddenly his phone started ringing, he had to dig it up from the back of his closet and then nearly dropped it, when the caller ID said 'Tony Stark' and a wave of anxiety surged through his body.

There was no way Stark was calling him. He'd probably wait until the end of the world to do that. Also Steve kind of really didn't want to talk to him, since they hadn't exactly parted on good terms. Then again, it would be wrong not to answer, since it could always be an emergency. And considering their current 'relationship', it probably was.

But what if it was something really bad? What if somebody was attacking New York again, what if Loki was back – what if Tony was hurt?

He picked up.

For a second or two it was silent on the other end, then a young, unfamiliar voice started speaking, that belonged definitely not to Stark: “Um hello?? Is this Mr. Rogers, Captain America?”

“...who's asking?” His anxiety had very quickly been replaced by confusion. 

“Uh my name's Peter and I'm Spiderman, so I know Mr. Stark and you aren't really talking, but you need to come to the tower and … talk. To him.”

“What?? Why?” Was he sick? Injured?? Had something terrible happened? Why was Pepper not there to help?

“Well he's kinda – he's in bad shape.” The kid sighed. “He hasn't left his lab in four days and I don't think he's eaten in that entire time and he keeps mumbling to himself. Mostly something with your name in it. Also I don't think he's been eating properly for some time now.”

Steve was quiet for a moment. Why would Stark say his name? And more importantly, why didn't he eat? “I'll be there tomorrow. Try and get him to eat something.”

“Yeah, sure, of course, Mr. Rogers, Sir!”

“Oh and Peter? You can call me Steve.”

 

Sure enough, the next day Steve was standing in the lobby of Stark Tower ('It used to be Avengers Tower,' his mind helpfully supplied.). Before he could even think about turning around and leaving again, a scrawny teenager with brown curls approached him, hands fidgeting with his shirt with a science pun on it, a slight blush on his cheeks. 

“Hi.”, the kid said, but didn't meet Steve's eyes. “I'm Peter.”

“Hi.” Steve frowned slightly. “How old are you??”

“Fifteen.” Now Peter looked up, squinting slightly. “Tony is in his labs. He still hasn't eaten.”

“Has he slept at least?” The soldier had a feeling that this wasn't the right time to scold Tony – or Peter, for that matter – for letting a child fight thugs. Well those and a few Avengers. 

“No.”

 

The sight of the lab was worrying, to say the least. There were tools and old inventions everywhere, Dumm-E was stuck in a corner between the wall and two tables. In the middle of the room was the newest Iron Man suit, where Tony was standing, apparently trying to repair the damage that Steve had caused with his shield. It didn't look very successful and there were still mangy scrapes and holes in the metal, even though the fight had been several months ago. 

Steve cleared his throat. “Um … hi.”

The genius jumped and dropped the screwdriver he'd been holding, but he didn't turn around, just took a deep breath, picked up the tool and returned to his work of staring at the armour. 

The solider frowned and walked around the other man, until he was standing in his field of view. “Stark? Peter called me.”

Tony just shook his head, refusing to even look up. Then he made the mistake of lifting his head anyway and at the sight of Steve, tears welled up in his eyes, nearly spilling over. He quickly jerked his head back down again. “Not real.”, he mumbled, barely loud enough for the other man to hear. “Why would he be?? Not important. Focus. Crap. What if he is? Impossible.”

“Mr. Stark, it's really him.”, Peter then said, fighting off his own tears. “I called him.”

“Shit.” Tony ran a hand over his sweaty face, took a few shuddery breaths. Then he turned his head to look at the kid. “Didn't think I'd hallucinate you too, Pete. Didn't think I would.” Suddenly a few dry sobs shook his entire body, until he had himself back under control, now humming to himself. 

Steve had gone pale. How had Stark gotten this bad? Why did he think he was hallucinating?? It might be a side-effect of not having slept for five days. Maybe touch would help, something to ground him, to get him back to reality.

So the super-soldier stepped closer, until he was standing directly in front of Tony. The mechanic took a step back, eyeing the other man suspiciously, though he didn't say anything. Just stood there and stared, eyes wide, lips parted. He froze when Steve gently squeezed his shoulder, blinked a few times, opened his mouth to speak. He closed it again without having said a single word. He seemed to be in shock, though the blond wasn't entirely sure why. He just knew that this sight was terrifying and he never wanted to see the other man like this, ever again.

Though maybe Tony didn't want him here. Maybe he was scared, maybe he just couldn't believe that his 'hallucinations' were real. That somebody would actually care enough about him to keep him from killing himself.

“Tony, I'm here. I'm real and I'm here and you need to sleep.” Steve locked eyes with the shorter man and suddenly wished himself far away. 

There was so much pain in those brown eyes, so much loneliness and sadness and guilt, and yet they were still warm and loving and Steve knew why they looked like that. He knew who had been the one to put the pain there. He had. He had chosen Bucky over Tony, had left him alone. 

He shouldn't have. 

“S-Steve?” Again tears welled up in his eyes, except this time they spilled and once they did, they didn't stop. “Why … what are you – sorry.” He lowered his head, but one hand reached up until he was holding on to Steve's arm, fingers digging into his skin. “Sorry.”, he said again, more desperately this time. “Mm … jus' tired.”

It broke Steve's heart to see his colleague, his _friend_ like this, to know that he had worked himself to a breaking point, where he had trouble forming sentences and even holding his eyes open seemed like a struggle. 

“I know. That's why Peter called me.” Steve gently put an arm around Tony's shoulder and started leading him out of the lab, giving the kid an encouraging smile. He looked like he could need it. “He was worried about you, you know?” It felt a little bit like he was talking to a child, but the soldier decided that it didn't matter what he sounded like. He had to help his friend now. “He said you didn't sleep or eat, so we're gonna go and sleep now, okay?”

“Why?” The billionaire sounded so confused, so lost. Steve wondered whether he even registered what was going on. “W- … why?”

“Because you need it. You haven't been taking good care of yourself, Tony.” They stepped into the elevator, the genius by now leaning heavily on the taller man. “And I'm sorry I left you, but I'm here now and I'm going to help you, alright?”

Tony actually managed to scoff at that. “Gotta be dreamin' 'gain.”, he mumbled to himself, although his grip on Steve's arm tightened, as if to try and contradict himself. “Gotta be.”

“You're not.” Steve sighed sadly. “C'mon, let's go.” They were just about to leave the elevator, but suddenly Tony's legs gave out and Steve had to catch him, carefully picking him up in one swift motion. “Easy there.”, he murmured, as he carried the other man to his room. Had he always been this light? 

Finally they reached the surprisingly small double-bed. By the time the mechanic was lowered onto the mattress, his eyes were closed, he was mumbling incoherent things and he was gripping Steve's shirt like a lifeline. 

In this situation Steve wasn't gonna leave Tony alone anyway, so he slipped under the blanket next to the shorter man, softly running a hand through his dark hair, until the genius finally went still. From one moment to the other, he was completely quiet, unmoving and as close to peaceful as he could get. At the moment. 

He still looked sad, though. Worn out. If he had ever not been tired? Tired and lonely?

Steve didn't want to think about the honest answer to that question.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long!! Unfortunately I have to spend about six to eight weeks at a clinc, where I don't really have WiFi. I am continuing this, though, don't worry.

The next morning was a lot less peaceful. Tony had slept well past noon, but when he woke up, he was grumpy and refused to cooperate with Steve, who tried to convince him to take a much needed shower. The genius didn't want to, and it took close to half an hour until finally he surrendered and locked himself in the bathroom. When he stepped out, his hair was dripping wet and he was only wearing a towel around his waist, exposing his damp skin. 

He was way too thin. Steve could have counted his ribs if he'd wanted to, but he was barely able to look at him. The knot of guilt in his gut that had formed since the last night, twisted painfully whenever he did take a too close look. 

Tony's fingers had grown thin like sticks, as if they could break any moment, the skin around is collarbones had sunken in, leaving it sticking out uncomfortably. His cheeks were hollow, his skin sickly pale. 

It wasn't pretty. 

 

“I don't want your help, Rogers!”, Tony spat, despite barely being able to walk properly. He was still tired as hell and his stomach was grumbling with hunger, yet he only stared at the toast in front of him, laying innocently on a plate on the table. “You can go back to your boyfriend and leave me the _fuck_ alone!”

“Tony, don't be stupid.” Steve did his best not to snap, he really did. It's just that, in the end, he did snap and there was nothing he could do to take back what he'd just said, nothing he could do to keep the genius from flinching away from the harsh words. 

Although they apparently only made him more angry, since he jumped to his feet, pointing a finger at Steve. “What do you care if I die?? You sure as hell didn't in Siberia.” That last part was more of a mumble, really. It seemed like it drained him of even more of his non-existent energy, as he sat back down at the table.

“You tried to kill Bucky!” This time it was even more than a snap, it was damn near close to a low growl, something deep and dark.

“You _knew_ he killed my mom!” Tony was back on his feet again, wavering slightly, but ignoring it. “You _knew_ and you didn't tell me! You didn't tell me and then you tried to _protect_ him! He killed people! Killed my mom and you didn't care enough to tell me!” By now the mechanic was shaking with the effort of standing and yelling and breathing too fast, his face all read, eyes wide and teary. But he hadn't said all of it yet. “If you had actually tried to be a decent friend to somebody else than an assassin, you could have told me! You could have told me and maybe I wouldn't have reacted the way I did!”

“And who said we were friends?” His voice was quiet, but his stare was like ice, while Tony froze. 

He literally froze, didn't move, didn't blink, didn't _breathe_. First he had his eyes open, staring at the other man in utter disbelief and shock, mixed with betrayal; then he squeezed them shut and consciously took a shattery breath. After several seconds, he looked back at the other man and croaked out a broken “What?”.

“Fuck!” Steve quickly stepped closer, but the mechanic nearly fell off the chair with how fast he flinched away, scrambling backwards until his back hit the wall. “I'm sorry!” The soldier followed, slowly, hands up in a pacifying manner, the ice in his look now replaced by worry. “I'm sorry, Tony, I didn't mean it!”

Tony let out a dry and breathless laugh. “How come I don't believe you.” He slowly got back on his feet, giving Steve a sad glance.

“I'm sorry.”

“Yeah.” He shook his head and turned to leave, but stopped in front of the other man once more.  
“Yeah, me too.”

He didn't eat his toast. 

 

“Captain, I called you so you could _help_ him, not so you could make it worse!”, Peter snapped, staring furiously at the bigger man, who was drowning his sorrow in orange juice. “Listen, I know he did some things that weren't perfect, but that doesn't mean he has to blame himself for everything that ever went wrong in his life!”

“But it was his fault.”, Steve weakly protested, which earned him an incredibly filthy look. 

Every trace of Peter's usual awkwardness had disappeared, and instead had been replaced by anger and concern, making him the most serious since the day Ben had died. “He only tried to help. He knew you Avengers needed control, no matter how great you are! And then suddenly he finds out that you, his friend, kept something that big from him, to protect a man who, at that point, couldn't even be trusted not to 'Soldier-out' any second!” He tried to regain some control over his emotions, but even he had to admit that he failed tremendously. “So yeah, screw you for not even having that bit of decency!”

“Kid, you don't know if he had reacted differently if I had told him!”

“But if you had, maybe then it wouldn't be your fault that he reacted the way he did.” There was no denying in that. “And now go and make this right! You have no idea how much he blames himself.”

 

Steve stood in front of Tony's lab for a solid five minutes before he finally worked up the courage to knock on the door. To his surprise, it wasn't locked, but was slightly ajar. “Tones?”

“Don't call me that.”, came back the raspy answer. The billionaire sounded like he'd screamed too loud, for too long. Or maybe cried. 

“I'm sorry. For what I said. And … did.” He rubbed the back of his neck subconsciously. “I should have told you about your parents.”

Tony nodded. “Thanks.”, he quietly said. Then he sat down on his chair and sighed. “I'm sorry that you had to come here. You can leave if you want.”

“I don't – I don't want to leave you like this, Tony.”

“Like what?”

“Starving.” The word alone send a shiver through the mechanic's body and he averted his face from the other man's intense stare, clenching his jaw. “Not sleeping, isolating yourself.”

“It's not like I haven't done that before.”, Tony forced out, trying and failing to sound amused. 

“This isn't a joke, Tony.”

He sighed. “Listen. I know you feel … obliged or whatever to 'help' me. But I'm fine. I was just busy in here” He gestured around the lab. “and forgot to take care of myself.”

“Yeah? And what exactly did you do all this time? What did you create?”

“I-I worked on the armour. The Iron Man suit.”

“Your suit.”, Steve clarified.

“Sure.”

“You don't sound very convinced of that.” The soldier frowned. 

“Why do you _care_??”, Tony spat and shot the other man an icy look. “You're the mighty Captain America, who never makes any mistakes, innocent as an angel, who doesn't need to _care_ about people!”

“That's not true and you know it!”

“Well apparently you don't. You walk around in your uniform, telling people what to do and call them _soldiers_! The war is over, Rogers!”

Steve sighed and ran a hand over his face. When he looked back up, he could see a bottle peeking out from under the table. “Did you drink again?”

“What's it to you?!”

“It affects your ability to judge.”

“You're so unbelievably thick!” Tony huffed out an angry laugh. “If I wasn't drunk, maybe I wouldn't _say_ all this, but I'd certainly _think_ 'em.”

“So you've never liked me, huh?”

“Oh I did.” He shook his head in disbelief. “I wanted to be your friend, wanted you and the other Avengers to live in the tower and be a team who could trust each other, but then Barnes came along and now everybody is god knows where, you're a fugitive from the government and the others left me, too.” He sat back on his chair. He looked Steve directly in the eyes, his own dark and sad, when he continued: “I wanted to be your friend. But you had better things to do.”

“Tony that's not what happened! I only tried to help the one person whom I knew from the 40s, the only one who knew me before I became Captain America! I loved him and I wanted him back.” He fought back the tears threatening to spill over, doing his best to ignore the mechanics broken look. “I still love him. I knew he was still in there and he's getting so much better at everything. He even allowed T'Challa to put him back into Cryo, so he wouldn't harm anybody. He never wanted to become the Winter Soldier, never asked for the years of torture and manipulation and darkness. He just wants to be happy.”

“Others want to be happy, too.”

“Tony, for once in your life, be reasonable. You damn well that I'm right.”

That sentence was enough to send Tony back to his feet, pointing an angry finger at Steve, voice wavering with all the anger in it: “I tried to be! I saw all the damage the Avengers did and I tried to be reasonable, I recognized that we weren't perfect, that we needed guidance! But then you came and decided that you knew better than 117 countries! The great Captain America!” He pressed his lips together into a thin line, before he forgot himself and spat: “Everything you are came from a bottle!”

Steve let out a shocked gasp at that. There was no way Tony had just said that. No matter how hurt or drunk he was, there was just no way he'd said it. He didn't have the right to. So naturally, he snapped back, equally viciously: “And everything you are came from your father!”

It was Tony's turn again to look hurt. Or like Steve had hit him in the face, would be more accurate. It took him two attempts until he managed to croak out a stuttered: “Fuck you!” Then he took a deep breath to sort his thoughts. “He made both of us.”, he finally hissed. “But he only loved one.”

Then he pushed past the taller man and fled to his bedroom, locking the door behind him. “Jarvis, keep everybody out, I wanna be alone!”

He spent the next two hours in there, telling himself he wasn't crying, telling himself he wasn't yelling at the walls and telling himself he wasn't broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also there's is gonna be fluff eventually. It is possible that I made some stupid mistakes or that something didn't relaly make sense, but I'll proofread it soon and then update it next week or something.
> 
> Tell me what you think about this chapter


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long!!

Steve had rummaged through Tony's lab and had found four bottles of Whiskey – he hadn't seen the fifth underneath the couch. He had planned on stirring up Jarvis, so that the AI would alert the mechanic and make him come back down to make a scene and demand the soldier to piss off. He hadn't had the courage to go up and knock, like a normal person would do. He didn't like it, but he had to admit that he was a coward.

I may be a war-hero, he thought, but in the real life I'm not even close to being brave. 

He spent the next twenty minutes in front of Tony's bedroom door. He seemed to be doing that a lot   
lately. And even though there wasn't really anything exceptionally bad that could happen once he did knock, he was still scared of any kind of reaction. What if Tony had another stack of alcohol in there and had spent the past two hours drinking himself into unconsciousness??

But did he really think this little of him? 

No, I'm just being realistic, he told himself. 

Eventually he _did_ knock. He didn't get an immediate answer, so he tried again, harder this time. 

“Fuck off, Rogers!”, came the quiet and hoarse reply, although it was filled with venom. “Go back to your lover!” 

A rather uncomfortable thought shot through Steve's head at that: Tony sounded like he'd been screaming. Because of him.

“Let me in, Tony, I need to talk to you.”

“I thought we were done with the talking bullshit.” Nevertheless, there followed a mumble and a soft click, which indicated that the door was now unlocked. 

Steve entered slowly, quietly closing the door behind him. “I'm sorry. Again.” He sheepishly looked down to his feet. “I said things I shouldn't have, things that weren't fair. And I never should have left you alone like this, I shouldn't have put Bucky over you like that.” He looked around in the big room until his eyes found a big bed, in which lay a heap of blankets. 

“You would have done it eventually, anyway.”, the heap grumbled. 

The soldier rounded the bed to discover Tony's head, that was only barely visible from underneath the blanket. “I want to make this up to you. I want to make my peace with the government so that I can come back and we can return to being the Avengers. You and me and all the others.”

“And Bucky.” It wasn't a question. Tony had even opened his eyes, as if he could find out whether the other man was lying this way. His face was reddened and puffy, like the face of somebody who'd cried for too long. 

“Eventually, yes.” The soldier cleared his throat. “But only if you're okay with that.”

“Would you leave again if I forbid him to ever set foot in this building?”

Steve took a few moments to think about that. It wasn't an easy question and it was even less easy to answer. But he knew he had to answer truthfully, and the truth was, that he didn't know. 

Yes, he loved Bucky. He was the only person who'd known Steve before the serum and he was the only one who had accepted him as his weak self. He'd always been kind and understanding and always there for him, no matter whether he had a date or was needed elsewhere. 

But Tony … he had tried so hard and he was still trying, even though he had reached the end of his strength a long time ago. He just wanted a family, somebody he could rely on for once in his life. Somebody who would accept him as his self-destructive, chaotic self; the same way Bucky had accepted Steve. 

And Steve owed Tony, big time. 

“No.”, he finally said. “I don't think I'd leave. Not again. I care about him, yes. I even love him. But if you don't want him in your tower, then I don't want him to be here. I don't want you to think that you have to let him in, just so that I'll stay.”

“But you want me to allow him in.” 

Again, it wasn't a question. And again, Steve knew he couldn't lie. “Yes.”, he replied. “But it's okay if you don't. I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want.” 

“That's very … considerate.” The genius finally made the decision to sit up, pulling his knees to his chest along with the blanket. He looked down at his hands as he thought for a few minutes. There seemed to go on a lot inside of his head: he was frowning and his lips were pressed into a thin line, as his eyes moved from one place to the next without ever standing still. “Okay.”, he then announced. “He can't stay. You said he's in Cryo, so it doesn't really make a difference anyway. I will speak to him, one day, on my terms. Then I'll decide whether I'll allow him to visit, or if I'll allow him to come and stay here with you or what.”

“... really?” Steve lifted his brows in slight surprise. “That's amazing!” 

He gave the other man a dashing smile and went to embrace him in a hug, but Tony raised his hands in a defensive gesture. “Not there yet.”, he warned, even though his voice was friendly and his lips were pulled into a soft smile. “But thanks.”

“I promise you, I will never hurt you again!” At this moment, Steve felt like a little boy, who'd been allowed to eat a whole box of his favourite candy. He knew he'd wronged the genius, and he knew that he had a lot to make up, but he also knew that he could and, more importantly, would do everything in his power to make Tony realize how important he was, how much he deserved all the love in this world. 

Surely they'd be fine. 

 

Three months later Tony agreed to meet Bucky. He had stormed into Steve's room and had announced that “Fine, I'll meet him! Friday at seven in that little coffee shop around the corner!” and then he'd gone down to his lab and had spent the next five hours there without leaving once, even though Clint had tried annoying him enough to get him out. 

The negotiations about the freedom of Team Cap were moving on slowly, but at least they had been released from their prisons and had been put under house arrest. Which had led them straight into Tony's tower. There had been a few complications, because Clint loved to disappear into the vents and Tony hadn't liked it, but then Steve had managed to defuse the conflict by suggesting that the archer should only be allowed into certain parts of the vents. Not that that really worked, but it was the thought that counted. 

Also Sam had kept complaining about the absence of 'Bucket', since him and Cap were best friends. That had continued, until Tony had snapped at him and had said a few things he regretted afterwards. Steve had then explained to the Falcon about the arrangement him and Tony had made and that it was fine. After that he had proceeded in calming down a certain genius.

Over the course of the past months, things had reached a more or less normal situation and there weren't as many fights any more. Except for that one big one, where the others had found out about Spiderman's identity and they'd found themselves standing in front of a nerdy teenager. Peter had defended himself very well though, by reminding them that he was the only reason Tony was still alive and that him and Steve were on good terms again.

He'd nearly cried when he'd snapped at them angrily, but nobody had dared to say anything. Not even Natasha. Because the truth was, that he was right. Without Peter, Tony probably would have starved himself to death. It had gotten damn close already.

The genius had turned a nice shade of red when the teen had stood up for him. 

 

Now, however, was Friday. The Friday he'd meet Bucky, and Tony was terrified. Of course he'd never admit it, but he was scared to hell and back that something would go wrong, even though he wasn't sure what that might be. 

When Steve offered to join him, he agreed gladly and now he was trying to decide whether he should just … not go. In the end he came to the conclusion that it would be cowardly if he backed out now, so he put on a hoodie, sunglasses and a hat and left the tower, followed by an equally poorly disguised Captain America. 

When they entered the shop, they immediately spotted the assassin, who was sitting in the back, wearing a hoodie and a hat. He did not wear sunglasses, though. 

The eyes of literally everyone in the room followed the two Avengers, as they made their way to the back. For a few long moments neither of them said a word; they just kind of stared at each other. 

Eventually Bucky cleared his throat nervously. “Hi.”

Tony slid into a chair opposite of him, Steve beside him. “Hi.”, he replied, his tone icy. “So. You're out of Cryo.” 

“And you're ready to talk.”

“Yeah.” This time Tony cleared his throat. “I want you to tell me what happened. That night.”

Bucky shot Steve a short look, but he nodded. “I don't remember everything. They wiped me not long afterwards. But I know that your parents were my targets, even though they didn't tell me why. They never really did.” He lowered his head and stared at his hands. “I … I completed the mission.”

“Why didn't you ever run??” The mechanic's voice was bitter and sad, yet he managed to keep a more or less neutral face. “You had enough opportunities!” 

“I tried. In the beginning. But they always found me. I think they even implanted a tracker at some point. And in the end I couldn't run anymore. They'd … hurt me. Whenever they'd gotten me back. I just couldn't bear the pain anymore.” He took a shaky breath. “So I just complied.” He locked eyes with Tony, something like a desperate plea in them. “I wasn't myself. I didn't have control over what I did. I know that now. But I still apologize to you. For all the pain I've caused.”

Steve looked like he was _that_ close to defending Bucky, but in the end he managed to keep quiet. He knew this wasn't the time to talk about self-hate.

Tony nodded once. “Okay.”

“What does okay mean?”, the blond asked with a hopeful frown. 

“I'll think about it.” And a little quieter: “Tell him not to disappear.” Then he got up and left.

 

Five weeks later Tony made the final decision. Two days after that, Bucky moved into the Tower and into Steve's room. Of course they still weren't exactly on good terms, but Team Cap welcomed the assassin back with open arms and Peter was a whole new level of excited. 

It took another month until Tony stopped leaving the room whenever Bucky entered, and another few weeks until they managed some short conversations. 

Eventually they bonded over Bucky's arm and Tony offered to make a whole new one, which the taller man agreed to immediately. 

Then came the day on which the entire team got pardoned and was welcomed back to their status as heroes. 

Over time, Bucky became the bigger brother of Peter, as well as Clint. 

Once May visited and got flirted with by three people, including Natasha. She visited more often now and soon enough there was the rumour that she was dating Rhodey. Two weeks later and it was official, but Peter refused to call the man anything but Rhodey, much to the amusement of everybody else. 

Roughly a year since Peter had called Steve, things were good at the tower. The Avengers were back together and no longer divided into teams. They did pretty decent work and managed not to destroy half of the city every time it got attacked. 

Bucky and Tony were something close to friends now, Bucky and Steve were married and May and Rhodey were still dating and were now living on their own floor in Stark Tower. Peter shared a floor with Clint and Bucky came visiting a lot. Whenever Ned came over, him and Peter updated the assassin on Star Wars and Star Trek, while Clint did his best to excite the man for Super Cop. 

One day, Peter lay in bed at night and thought about all the things that had happened and a wide grin spread across his face as he realized: without his help, none of this would have happened. 

The next day at school he stood up against Flash for the first time and he felt better than ever. Unfortunately the bully decided to get his revenge and for a week everything got much worse, until Bucky heard about it.

On Monday, he accompanied Peter to school.

“You don't have to do this, Bucky.”, the teenager complained and kept his head down while walking towards the building, trying not to get noticed by anybody. It didn't work, which was mostly the fault of a certain assassin, who kept close to the boy. “I'll be fine.”

“I'm sure you will, but there's nothing wrong with taking my little bro to school.” He gave Peter a filthy smile. “Can't hurt anyone, right?”

“Right.” Finally they reached Peter's classroom. “Well then, thanks for driving me and all, but I need to go now.” He turned to enter the room, but he was held back by his arm.

“What, no hug today?”

“I'm sorry, but I don't really want to embarrass myself further.” He could already see Flash coming closer to them, eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Besides, I'm not a child anymore!”

“Ouh, that was mean.” Bucky put a hand over his heart – the metal one, mind you – and pretended to be hurt. “So mean in fact, that I might just have to follow you around all day.”

“Alright fine, give that damn hug then!” Peter pouted in annoyance and braced himself for the crushing hug. 

The assassin grinned and leaned down, gently pressing the boy against his chest, careful not to break his ribcage. 

Despite everything Peter had just said, he secretly loved these hugs. They gave him the strength he needed to survive school these days. 

However, the moment got interrupted when a certain little asshole sneered: “That your boyfriend, Parker?”

For the briefest of moments, Bucky froze. Then he turned around every so slowly, his face without expression. He deliberately tucked a lose strand of hair behind his ear – with his metal hand. He pulled his lips into a dark smirk. “You must be Eugene.”, he said with gravelly voice and offered his cold hand. 

One nervous Flash took said hand and shook it with wide eyes. “Yes, Sir.”, he croaked. After a few moments he gulped anxiously and asked: “Are you Mr. Barnes, the Winter Soldier?”

Peter could see the slight shiver that ran through Bucky's body and softly lay a hand on his upper arm to calm him. The older man shot him a grateful look. 

“Yes.”, he answered. “Sometimes I still am the Winter Soldier. Although I cannot say when.” He winked at the bully. “But I'm sure you can think of a few situations.” He turned back around to Peter and offered his fist.

The teenager groaned internally, but he knew it would only get even more embarrassing if he didn't do it. So he responded and they bumped their fists together in a flowing pattern.

A few of the students who had gathered around them by now gasped. “Parker has a secret handshake with the Winter Soldier!!”, one of them panted. 

Ned nodded proudly and Bucky fist-bumped with him. Then he turned around and left. For a few seconds nobody moved, until Peter cleared his throat and pushed his best friend into the classroom, falling into their chairs at the back of the room.

“Your life, dude.”, Ned grinned.

Peter returned the expression with a slightly dopey smirk. “Yeah man, my life.”

Later that same day, Tony called in the middle of Chemistry lesson and demanded to be put on speaker. He announced that Peter's class would be going on a field trip to Stark-Tower next week and that “Peter, don't forget your badge again!!” and after short consideration: “Actually, bring it and we'll destroy it. I'll just tell Jarvis that you can go wherever you want whenever you want.” It was a miracle that the genius hadn't leaked that Peter was actually living at the Tower.

Flash nearly passed out at that. 

“Dude!”, Ned exclaimed with glowing eyes “What even is your life??”

“It's crazy, is what it is.”, Peter replied with burning cheeks. He really did love his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading!! I will write a field-trip fic soon, because one Tony Stark doesn't make empty threats. It'll be a two parted series.

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I don't even know where this is going, but I'm not planning on making this longer than two or three chapters.


End file.
